Thinking when Over Thinking

I have had too much to ponder

thinking of the had halves

so long as it won’t begin

a tsunami rising taller than any they have seen

suspended over the silver gates

touching fire with fire

only for us to see

Non-Existent

Can’t keep you up in this crazy ass world

I reach my palms out in efforts to catch your fall, but regardless of how ready my stance is, you slip through like my rope became silky milk

Yet, I prefer the silence

The deafening sound of nothing

I was reaching for so long my shoulders forgot what it felt like to lay flat

Racing Heart

A chance to breathe again breaking my love into pieces

one for you, one for me, and some for we

Trains like caterpillars, rolling by lights reflecting off of the metallic sides creating a pattern of sunshine on the platform

I step on and sit.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

I just step on

and sit

One day for music, one day for books, some with nothing but blank cold stares

Inspiration hits and runs with zero trace of being caught

Shame, guilt, and fear boil and come back to a simmer

I get off and walk

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

I just get off and walk

Up the block people from all over the country come to visit throughout the year

The block where famous celebrities come and go

The block that always feels so cold even when the sun is shining

I look at the ice skating rink and wish to glide too

I open the doors, type my same code in, put my things away and walk

Walk, elevate, walk

Obey, lift, talk, listen

Walk, more walking, break, walk

Obey some more, walk some more, and maybe it’s time to go home

Put jacket back on, zip up and walk

Walk to the train that doesn’t sparkle anymore

Walking so fast my feet sometimes tangle

One leg over the metal and the following comes through

Desperation reaches when the doors open

An empty window seat please, please,please

A solid seating, comfortable, no creeps

Dazed AM

Baked at 6:42AM 

Laying in this bed preparing for my night’s sleep 

Can’t decide if it’s a bit early or a bit late to me

The birds are squawking and chirping away

Violently communicating outside of my window pane 

To the street of Pacific

And then suddenly they stop

Only the special few continue but sparsely

Dim red lights illuminate the bed, 

the softness of the pillow and comforter emanate

Warmth radiating off this person in the bed with me

Their consistent quiet breath and movement keep me meditative

The bird songs transport me to some place unimaginable 

unless you are me

6:45AM

 The air is a bit stiller

and my eyes a bit droopier

Intensify

Bullshit frames my face, like an edgy haircut you might’ve seen on an anime character.

Bullshit is coexistent with me.

I’m standing here in the middle of nowhere far away, my eyes closed, from anything tangible just wondering, dreaming. 

Taking off into the opposite direction of light, tired of asking for mercy.

Password protected feelings, the sad dirty things people never talk about but always thinking about, locked away. 

Once you get that far you realize how little we are, too sad to think about, leave it be.

Intentions fly away with the drop of a dime, an endless fight for what’s right. 

Going further and further from the tethered.

Life is sped up 1.5x and then when I light the spliff it slows down to .25x

Ash in your bowl of cereal I don’t give a fuck how it makes you feel 

This other side of me, not a friend to a stranger they’d probably push your baby out of it’s stroller.

Never understanding what was done to me just rage and fury obliterate 

He coats it all in sugar not telling one lie, but I still want the dishonesty

I want you to tell me how much you hate me so I can finally be right

Thinking is giving it all I got, putting things in places where they should never be 

The present feels like a bad episode on the best reality show looking for the bullshit to just be a shitty script.